How to Be Sexually Creative
Sex is creative: your body is a canvass, your fingers the brushes, your energy the colour palette, your tongue the varnish, your breath the fixer. Artistic sex is a skill, and a talent.
In my previous post: The Creative Mind in Tantric Sex, I made an introduction to the importance of sexual creativity. I encourage you to read it again as you will refresh important ideas. I shall continue the same conversation but, more specifically, on How to be Sexually Creative.
Our modern era is characterised by unprecedented and unparalleled progress. We are experiencing the impact and significance of creativity and innovation more than ever before. From vertiginous advances in technology to science, our lifestyles are becoming obsolete by the end of each decade. Can we rightly attribute the same trend to our sexual lives? In truth, having the same partner for over a decade can prove a challenging affair in terms of our potential to continuously innovate our sexual relationships.
The development of Culture Mile in London is a testament to the role of creativity in our economy. This initiative is capitalising on the development of the future of the Square Mile through the merging of businesses and culture across the City of London. Various findings indicate that enterprises that promote creativity achieve exceptional revenue growth and greater market share than peers. Companies based in creative locations are more likely to tackle talent attraction and retention. Businesses that integrate creativity experience increased productivity and wellbeing in the workplace, as well as innovation. We clearly need to demystify how to harness the power of creativity, especially in our sexual lives.
The crisis we are enduring at the moment regarding the novel coronavirus is a very interesting phenomenon from a creative standpoint. Being confined is testing our ingenuity and capacity for creativity to safeguard our mental wellbeing. Furthermore, it is an invitation to reflect about our outer and inner world. You are probably more than ever acutely aware of the need of being touched, hugged, kissed, wanted, seduced, connected, validated. It is a good time to change long held dysfunctional patterns in lovemaking, given that so many of our external distractions have been stripped away. If you are reading this, we can pretty much guess that you are longing for quality sex that has gone unfulfilled. Perhaps you have held the sweetness of amazing sex—or just sex—only to watch it slip through your fingers and fall to oblivion.
It is for this very reason you should be more ready than ever to finally outgrow your unhealthy sex life and discover the secrets to create a lovemaking adventure.
I want to invite you to consider this: creativity is a sexual superpower.
This enforced pause that we are going though could be your time to turn this all around. Imagine yourself engaging in a new way of making love, where your ability to please and be pleased experiences a twofold increase. Imagine yourself infusing your current relationship with a new creative lovemaking style by giving yourself permission to explore with a tantric masseuse. Tantra is rooted in the idea of creativity and continuous exploration. Before immersing yourself in the world of tantric massage and Tantra, preparing your mindset to become more sexually receptive and creative is a must.
But, how can we achieve greater creativity in lovemaking?
Everyone can be more sexually creative by taking incremental steps, but not necessarily in a linear order. The path to sexual creativity is more back and forth, a process in which the steps to greater imagination and originality build on and feed off each other. Here are some initial steps for cultivating sexual creativity, along with a sampling of tips that can help you along the way:
Free yourself from preconceptions of how Tantra, tantric sex, tantric massage and human sexuality work. In other words, approach sex with a beginner’s mind.
Free your mind from expectations. Making love is not about hitting the big O but rather a complex, mysterious and enriching process where sex should be written with a capital S.
Fill yourself with curiosity to understand sexuality more deeply. Immerse yourself in the literature and records of everything sexual, from female and male sexual anatomy to the history of human sexuality, the psychology of sex and relationships, philosophical approaches to sex such as Tantric, Zen and Taoist, to even to the history of sex as a business and as art.
Open yourself to a world of new possibilities. Since you probably have not reached your maximum sexual potential there is still unknown territory you need to explore. This includes different areas other than your sexual life. By harnessing a creative approach in general, whether it is through learning crafts, arts, business or science, you will also infuse your sexual creativity. Creativity weaves the fabric of our existence and should not be regarded as an element in isolation but rather as a holistic system.
Clarify your vision. Why do you want to embark on a new sexual journey? How are you going to do it? Remember, free yourself from expectations. However, asking yourself the relevant questions and trying to answer them will help you gain clarity. This will in turn add meaning to your decisions and actions.
Don’t fall prey to the curse of knowledge. Remember the concept of the expert mind? Why would you abandon what you know about sex, even for a fleeting moment? Isn’t it better to have expertise, knowledge and understanding? Experience is indeed a wonderful quality. It often helps us carry out important tasks at a higher level. Nevertheless, knowledge and understanding of how things work can prevent you from seeing clearly what’s in front of you. It can limit your possibilities, especially when it comes to our sexuality, a very familiar activity we have all normally engaged in throughout our life—or at least an important part of it.
Master your mindset. In Tantra practice, it is important to control our breathing and observe the rising and passing of thoughts, emotions and sensations in the present moment. Remind yourself that every day, every hour, every minute is different, this mindset provides an opportunity to stay present and take enjoyment in the simplicity of life. It encourages a grateful attitude and a sense of wonder. By regularly exercising this way of looking at the world you will find that it is easier to approach sex in the same manner. After all, the mind is our remote control.
Take back the reins of your time. It is challenging to feel that you really control your own time, especially if you are part of the corporate world. You may feel that you are always at the mercy of someone else’s schedule, but consider this: Do you accept meetings without asking if your participation is really needed? Could you cut down the time you spend watching TV? Could you reduce the time you invest in your commute by working from home more often? It is important to shift priorities to gain control of our time, which we could blissfully be investing in sex. After all, sex should be regarded as a main priority in life given all the benefits it brings to our existence.
Build systems and routines that help you grow your creativity. Being creatively sexual means you and your partner will have to put an end to old patterns in your lovemaking style. The brain is wired to repeat the same pattern over and over again, even if we think we are doing something different. The reason we keep on failing and we keep not taking action is that we prefer to master disappointment than seek fulfilment. This is a very destructive habit for our sexual lives, and life in general. Many of us do not want to recognise it, especially women who have decided to give up on sex. When they come to the conclusion that they do not want to change their sexual life, that they want to keep themselves stuck, they can unconsciously get very good at the fact that their sexuality sucks—this is a topic that deserves a long discussion which I will address in the future.
Live with intention and do more of what matters. Sex is not less important than spending time with loved ones, work or eating healthily. Treasure your body, ooze sexual energy, worship sensuality. Sex is a gift of life, not a chore.
Creativity is a sexual superpower. Shall we explore a new creative path?
Be tantric, be zen.
Nerea, an Independent Tantric Masseuse in London
